Season 5 Episodes
512: RAT POISON or: NO HOLIDAY ON ICE
Missions:
13: Ice Hockey
My comments:
It is not hard to believe that Noah was the first person to get a penalty.
Jon did a great job of keeping the score down.
Dan 5 points, Noah 1 point
Noah is still more worried about messing around with other girls than staying loyal to his girlfriend
What Bonnie had to say about the episode:
Original Air Date: March 30, 1998
Segment #1
Clue for the next mission says, "Get the puck out of town." They will be going to Montreal, Quebec to play some hockey.
Dan says Noah's not doing the right thing by his girlfriend Rebecca. Dan says every day he loses respect for Noah. He calls Natasha (the girl he met at the dance club) on the phone and invites her up to Montreal to hang out with him.
The next day, they drive to the Civic Center and meet Charles who tells them that they will play a hockey game at 2pm against a very challenging team, but doesn't tell them who. They dress in hockey gear and they meet a couple of pro hockey players - Nick Kypreos and Michael Peca - who will help coach them.
Anne says hockey makes her nervous. Noah's never played before. Dan's great at it because he played in high school.
Jon asks Michael what kind of person makes a good goalie. Michael responds by saying "people with small mental problems." So they pick Jon to be the Road Rules team goalie.
If they win the game, not only do they get an official cup, but Jon will get to keep the snazzy Road Rules goalie helmet too. Jon's obsessed in winning the helmet. After about an hour of practicing, Nick tells them all that even though the other team might be bigger, they have bigger hearts.
As they enter the rink, they find out that the team they'll be playing against is a little league hockey team called the Rink Rats.
Mission 13: A hockey game against the Rink Rats
Tara says these little kids are good and they mean business. She says they're going to get beat by a bunch of kids.
Segment #2
The ref. tells them the rules, one major one being that there is to be NO body contact. They will be playing for the cup, and afterwards will hang out with them the rest of the day, wining and dining the winners.
In the first period, Noah runs into one of the kids and knocks him over, so he's sent to the penalty box. Meanwhile, the Rink Rats score a point. When Noah gets back on the ice, he somehow manages to run right into the opponents goalie net and falls over.
During the game, Jon manages to block quite a few goals from being made by the Rink Rats. Tara says Jon rocks.
After the period is over, Nick reminds them all that if they lose, they have to entertain these kids for a good four hours. Noah's not into that because Natasha is coming into town and he wants to hang out with her.
In the second period, the Rink Rats score again. Number #9 on the Rink Rats side is making most of the goals. Dan decides to take off the kid-gloves (so to speak) and play seriously. He scores a point.
Second period is over and the Rink Rats are ahead 4 to 1. Nick tells Noah that he has to tell #9 that Santa doesn't exist, to throw him off his game.
Back on the ice Dan scores another to make the score 4 to 2. Rat Rinks score, then Dan scores again. 5-3.
Dan's getting tired. With four minutes left, the little kids are still full of energy. Anne says they're in trouble. Dan says he can't battle four kids at a time.
Scenes of six kids chasing after Dan at full speed. Anne says Dan's good at every sport and so hockey is no exception.
Noah helps Dan score a point and he goes crazy. The score is now 7 to 6, the Rat Rinks ahead by one point.
Segment #3
With 56 seconds left in the third period, the Rat Rinks win the game. Dan's happy for them because they are so thrilled to win against adults. The kids get the Road Rules cup and skate around with it.
The Player of the Game award goes to Jon for keeping out so many of the goals tried by the Rink Rats, so he's awarded the hockey helmet.
They all take the kids into the Winnie and drive them to a pizza place/activity center where they can play and hang out. In the Winnie, the kids offer to buy Jon's helmet off him.
Roni says it'll be fun to take these kids out. They call Jon, Big Jon.
Lots of scenes with the kids wrestling and tackling the Road Rules gang. Roni blows a whistle and takes a photo of them all.
One of the little boys talks with Anne, Tara and Noah. Noah boasts how all the girls like him, and Anne tells the kid not to listen to Noah's advice. Noah says he has three girlfriends. Then the little kids says back, "that means you're cheating on two of them." Anne and Tara laugh and give each other a high five.
Mission 13 completed!
Noah says Rebecca knows that Natasha is in Montreal to hang out with him, but that she doesn't know how close he's gotten to Natasha. Noah says he hopes his problems with commitment is because he's 19 and not because he's Noah. Scenes of him and Natasha kissing a lot in some club.
End Segment
Noah talks about his problems with commitment with Nick. Nick uses the analogy of changing radio stations. He says it's like you're listening to a good song on the radio, but then you want to change the channels to see what else is playing. Noah agrees. And then Nick asks, but what if while you were constantly flipping the channels around looking for a better song, you missed the best song out there and
you only end up with the news? The girls laugh.
What MTV had to say about the episode:
512: RAT POISON or: NO HOLIDAY ON ICE
Previously: Noah struggles to be a one-woman man instead of a two-faced cad. The Roadies catch a clue instructing them to 'get the puck out' in Montreal, Canada.
When we last left you, Noah was swapping spit with a carnal Canadian cutie named Natasha. Guess what, Road hogs?! She's still on his mind...
As sunlight slams through the small window in the Roadies' hostel suite, Noah lifts his guitar from the floor and strums thoughtfully. And now, an announcement!! Mr. N reveals that he can't decide if he's being dishonest with Rebecca (girlfriend) by dating Natasha (pick-up). Now, even a kid knows the right answer to that question. Dan privately admits that he's lost all respect for Naughty Noah.
Without waiting for his Road-mates to roar "do the right thing," Noah slips into the hallway and connects with Natasha via pay phone. Loverboy coos into the receiver, "the hostel suite is very nice, but there's one thing wrong: you're not here." Oh, brother. Noah, here are a few fresh pickup lines for you to add to your exhausted repertoire:
God did a good job on you!
Did you hurt yourself when you fell out of heaven?
After hosing off and pulling on some duds, the Roadums pile into la Win (that's French) and roll over to the Montreal Civic Center where they are greeted by four hunky professional hockey players who reveal the next mission: today you'll play a game of hockey. Who will we play against, everyone wants to know.
Well, that's a surprise -- but we can say they're a tough little team.
The Roadies are escorted into the locker room where they pull on piles of brand new equipment. Now it's onto the ice for a little practice. Well, it would take your grandmother only a few moments of observation to realize the sad situation: everyone sucks except for Dan. Why didn't anyone think to dub Dan Vanilla Ice??!! Such a loss... As you know, Dan is perfect and so of course it just so happens that he was a star hockey player in high school. Lucky for the Roadbumps, since all they are capable of is wobbling on weak ankles and collapsing in well-padded heaps. Now let's get serious for a minute -- someone's got to be the goalie. Someone has to fend off all those pucks flying for the net. Jon asks the coaches, "what are the characteristics of a goalie?" The pros explain that a goalie usually has a small mental problem. How convenient. There is no debate. Jon wants to be goalie. The coaches hand Jon the special, custom-made ROAD RULES goalie helmet. It's very, very kewl. Part road map, part Friday The Thirteenth ski mask. Jon is obsessed by this piece of equipment. He must have it! Coach explains, "if you win the game, you keep the helmet. If you loose the game, you have to take the winning team out to lunch." Sharpen those blades...
The bleachers are filled with expectant fans who want to see blood. In a glass paneled booth, the announcer introduces the Rulers as they take to the ice. And now it's time to meet the competition. The Rink Rats! The Rulers are speechless. No one on the opposing team is over four feet tall. Are they from Munchkinland? No, they're from the first grade! The average age of the players on the opposing team is four. As in single digit. They may be short, and they may like cartoons, but these pups are no push-overs. As Anne explains, "they skate like demons!" Dan really has his work cut out for him. The coaches remind the Roadies that if they lose the game, they must treat the kiddies to an afternoon of fun and food. Hey, Noah doesn't have time to baby-sit, he's got a date with Natasha. Well, maybe Natasha likes kids. Let the games begin!
Right off the bat, the Rink Rats have control of the puck. A Forward slashes his stick through the air and the puck sails a hundred miles an hour at Jon's face. He blocks! He's brilliant! Tara recognizes the transformation that occurs when Jon pulls on the pads: "he's amazing, he's rocking, he loves it!" Maybe Jon has found his calling. Never one to be overshadowed, Noah checks a five-year-old, sending the kid sprawling on the ice. The whistle shrieks and Loverboy is saddled with a two-minute penalty for "unsportsmanlike conduct." Dan is skating his guts out, the Rink Rats swarming around him like flies on... well, those kids just don't let up. And with Noah in the penalty box, the Rulers are outnumbered. SCORE, Rink Rats! And that's the end of the first period. The teams retire to their respective locker rooms and Noah complains, "we're getting our asses kicked by a bunch of two-year-olds!" Dan decides he's done playing around -- it's time to get serious.
The second period begins and within seconds, Dan has scored. But his aggression only seems to incite more venom from the Rink Rats. A fierce battle ensues, with Dan attempting to conquer despite the unfortunate one-against-four atmosphere. Dan scores, the Rink Rats score, back and forth, until the end of the second period finds the Rats leading, 7-6. Huddle. The Rulers' coach explains it's time to take drastic measures: "get out there, look them in the eye, and tell them there's no such thing as Santa Claus." The third and final period finds Dan exhausted after pulling the weight of the entire team. It's a close game, but the Rats triumph, taking the trophy. You just know Jon is bummed. But guess what? He's been voted Most Valuable Player and his reward is la Mask (that's French)! See, dreams really do come true. But now it's time to pay up. Don't tell mom, the baby-sitter's dead...
The Rink Rats pile into the Winnie and it's a loud and rambunctious ride over to COCONUTS, an insane restaurant that prides itself on its indoor playground. After gobbling pizza, everyone pours into the jungle gym for some aggressive horseplay. While taking a breather, Noah proudly explains to one of the young boys, "I've got three girlfriends." Without missing a beat, the youngster replies, "that means you're cheating on two of them."
See, even a kid knows the answer to that question...
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