Season 5 Episodes
505: IS THAT A GUN IN YOUR POCKET, OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME
Missions:
5: Royal Canadian Mounties
My comments:
I can see why Jon was scared to shower naked, would you want to shower when a camera was watching?
As usual the under dogs win the mission because they are more interested in finish the mission than if they look good on tv.
What Bonnie had to say about the episode:
Original Air Date: Feb. 9, 1998
Segment #1
The gang says Noah can be bossy sometimes. Jon says that if he doesn't keep a good sense of humor about Noah, he'll kill him.
Scenes of driving through Calgary. Noah says Jon likes being weird. Scenes of Jon goofing off in the Winnie, break dancing outside, etc. When Jon offers to drive the Winnie, Noah says he'll drive because the last two times Jon drove they almost wrecked.
Jon says most people don't think when they speak 50% of the time, and when they do talk they don't think about hurting anyone's feelings.
1,134 miles travelled so far.
They are excited about meeting the Royal Mountees for the next mission. Jon says he thinks of the Mountees as a humorous thing.
Mission 5: Training with the Royal Canadian Mountees
The Mountee sergeant shows them around their sleeping quarters, show rooms, etc. They will be split up based on gender. He tells them they have to be showered and ready to go by 6:15am.
Noah says Jon's afraid of people seeing him naked. Jon says he's shy and not very confident. Jon thinks this mission will be horrible.
They are shown how to stand at attention and how to march in formation. The sergeant tells them if they feel like they're lost to just follow the other cadets' lead.
Jon says two types of people train to be cops: those guys who want to push people around and guys who want to defend justice.
The gang does miserably at trying to keep up with the rest of the cadets.
Jon says he's going to shower with his swimming trunks on. Noah bugs him about it and says it'll be weird.
Segment #2
The bugle call rings at 5:44 am and wakes them all up. Jon showers in his swimming trunks while Noah and Dan are showering nude. Noah says it's not going to bother him because he wasn't looking at Jon anyway.
They are all shown striking cushions as part of the self-defense training. Jon says Noah was too into it and it reminded him of a bad Marky Mark video. He says if he was working with anyone but Noah, he wouldn't be laughing so hard.
The group then works out with weights.
Next is the pair test where everyone must go through a simulated police chase. Everyone does really well except for Noah. Jon says he feels sorry for Noah because he cares so much about doing well.
Then the gang practices with live pistols. They shoot at targets and again, everyone does an amazing job (especially Jon) at hitting the targets except for Noah who misses a lot.
The next test is where they all follow around a sergeant who shows them how to secure a house when they are called to check out suspicious activity. They walk around the house and are told how to deal with intruders. He also shows them how to handcuff and arrest people.
Now the gang must pair up and deal with a fake domestic violence dispute. They will be rated on a 1-10 scale (10 being the best) on how they handled the situation. They are told the domestic violence call is the most dangerous.
Jon complains that people paired up (Noah and Dan first, then Anne and Tara second) before he or Roni could say anything about it. He says he find it interesting.
Tara and Anne go in to the house first. They try to talk to the couple into separating for the night because there has been drinking and fighting involved. The couple disagrees and the guy opens a closet where he's keeping a shotgun. Anne tells him to put his hands in the air and she aims her gun at him.
Segment #3
The man is hiding from behind the wall. Anne gets "killed" three times with a shotgun. Anne tells the actors playing the couple to kill the boys (Noah and Dan).
Next up is Dan and Noah. When they get into the house, they split up the couple and talk to them individually about the dispute. Dan decides to arrest him for hitting her and she ends up shooting him with a peashooter gun.
Noah jokes that when it's Jon turn he'll ask the couple if they have any video games he can play.
Roni and Jon are next. When they talk to the couple they try and see the problem from their point of view and suggest they help the couple get affordable marriage counseling. The wife want the police to arrest the husband because he hit her. . He flees the house and Jon runs out after him. After Jon cuffs him, he tries to run of and Roni ends up shooting him because he was a possible danger while resisting arrest, and could he have hurt her partner.
The actors playing the couple say Roni and Jon did an excellent job trying to empathizing with the couple and that it was hard for them to stay angry with each other.
The sargent ranks each group. Anne and Tara get 3 out of 10. Noah and Dan get 5 out of 10. And Roni and Jon win the test by getting 6 out of 10.
Jon says he's glad he got to be paired up with Roni.
They all dress in red uniforms. Noah says Jon went from being self-conscious to the extreme opposite.
Mission 5: completed!
They go through a mock graduation and get certificates. For winning the competition, Jon and Roni are awarded special caps and teddybears in Mountee outfits.
On the caps are the clues for the next mission. It says they will be going to a North Dakota reservation. Noah makes a wisecrack about the movie Fargo.
End Segment
They continue to talk with Jon about his fear of being naked around other people. Dan asks Jon what he does when he wants to have sex with a girl. Jon says he's a different person then.
What MTV had to say about the episode:
505: IS THAT A GUN IN YOUR POCKET, OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME
Previously: Noah is ordering the others around like a general trying to make sure no one gets killed. Anne reminds Noah "you're not the boss of me" as Jon threatens to throttle him!?
Those rowdy Roadies are off to Regina, Canada to hook up with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The drive from Calgary isn't so smooth. The highway is fine - no potholes. The trouble is Jon and Noah. They've had just about enough of each other. Noah thinks that Jon just revels in being weird. Flipside, Jon believes that Noah never thinks before he speaks - he ends up hurting everyone's feelings. This tension is clearly compounded by the fact that Jon is dreading the Mounty Mission - "it's cordial Military silliness" - while Noah just can't wait to get in there and flash his badge.
The Roadies roll into the RCMP compound, which looks like a tidy college campus. Except for those tidy rows of smartly dressed law-enforcement clones. Great hats. The mayor of the mission explains that the Rulers will be training with the cadets for a few days. Everyone is excited - except for Jon, of course. He confesses, "I'd rather cut off my own legs than be a cop." The mayor escorts the kids to b-block. That's RCMP talk for THE BARRACKS. Barracks is a fancy word for dorm room. Girls and boys are housed in different wings. No hoochie koochie for youchie.
In the boyz' barrack, a cadet explains that everyone must rise at 5:15. And be sure to make your bed, following the official RCMP "how to make your bed" diagram. Oh, and shave those sideburns
off. Noah isn't having that! Uh, uh. No way. The cadet shows the boyz the community showers and the truth rains down. Jon will not shower in front of others. Period. He explains that he will be wearing his swimming trunks into the shower. Whatever.
Now it's off to the first day of drill practice. The Roadies enter the gymnasium where a hundred cadets are neatly squared off into tight rows. Great hats. The Roadies try to blend in with the cadets - which is kind of hard because the roadies don't have hats. The drill sergeant tries to comfort the Roadies, confessing that he doesn't expect them to pick up on all of the marching commands right away. In fact, "at ease everyone." Hey, wait a minute! That doesn't mean slouching! The sergeant explains, "at ease means feet twelve inches apart, eyes forward and don't move except to breathe and blink." This is at ease? I'd hate to see at attention! Jon privately confesses, "I hate this mission," and boy-oh-boy you can see it on his face. What's with that hung-jaw look, mister? Smile! You're on TV!
The sergeant starts barking out commands - it's kind of like a square dance. The Rulers try to follow along but it's just a big mess - everyone is stepping on everyone's toes and bumping into each other and falling behind and just - oh, it's a mess. LUNCH BREAK! Thank God.
At the lunch table, the tension between Noah and Jon escalates. Noah reminds J-boy that the cadets will rip him to shreds if he actually showers in his bathing suit. Tara reminds Noah that no one criticizes Noah for his phobias. Jon sarcastically thanks Noah for his support. Tara privately confesses that she has noticed that Noah is always calling Jon a weirdo. Maybe Noah is jealous of Jon's creativity and original worldview. Or maybe Jon is a weirdo. Lights out.
Lights on. Holy cow. That wasn't a night's sleep, that was a night's nap! Off to the showers. Noah and Dan - nice butts, boyz. Jon, nice trunks. Are those Columbia Sportswear? Just right for the ocean or the locker room. But what does Jon have against a little bare skin? He finally confesses, "I had a problem with faulty zippers as a kid."
The Roadies pull on their uniforms. Finally - hats! They really look great. All that starched khaki. And the boots. Arrest me, please! The Rulers are dressed to the nines for their hike over to the gymnasium. But now it's into the locker rooms and out of those uniforms and into the workout clothes.
First exercise. Pick a partner. One take a stick and one take a pad. Now hit the pad with the stick as if you are defending yourself against attack. Well, as the fates would have it, Jon's got the pad and Noah's got the stick. Noah is so into this - SMACK, SMACK, SMACK! Meanwhile, Jon is just not jibing: "I think it's so weird that Noah is excited about hitting a mat with a stick while imagining the mat is another human being."
Now a round of twelve, count 'em, twelve fitness exercises. Weight lifting. Sit-ups. And the dreaded simulated police chase. It's like an obstacle course with a few surprises. Everyone is pulling it out, but suddenly Noah is on the ground. He can't breathe! Asthma - he's got it bad. Jon can't help but find the irony, "he's the one who enjoys this mission, and now he's performing the worst." It's hard to perform without air, Jon.
Everyone is getting enough air out on the firing range. Yeah, these are real guns. Yeah, those are real bullets. Anne lets a bullet fly and she's a little intimidated - "the recoil on this thing is killer!" A row of five round targets have been placed along a far wall - they look like dinner plates. Go! Noah fires and fires, but he only gets two plates down before he runs out of ammo. Jon, you're up. Jon
picks off each target without missing a beat. Aren't you fancy. Noah is shocked. Jon is too. Talents are surfacing.
You've got the uniform. You've got the training. You've got the gun. Now it's time to put you to the test. The mayor explains that now it's time to play SCENARIO. It's gonna be really real - but no bullets. The mayor explains that the RCMP have received a domestic violence call. Mom and Dad are at it again. The kids motor to the designated address. Everyone breaks into teams.
Anne and Tara, you're first. Go in and see what the problem is. Anne secures the gun at her waist as she and Tara march towards the house. Before reaching the front door, you can hear the couple arguing. After some backtalk from the husband, Anne and Tara manage to get more than just a foot in the door. Anne is doing all the talking. Turns out the wife has been punched. Anne orders the husband to put his hands up. Before Anne can get the cuffs on, hubby has grabbed a shotgun and blown Anne away. Anne: "I was shot three times at point blank range. With a shotgun. I'm dead." You sure are, honey.
Noah and Dan, you're in. The boyz step to the door and you can really hear the couple going at it. They're mad. Once inside, Dan's doing all the talking and, of course, he discovers that the wife has been punched. Noah quickly arrests hubby. But now wifey has changed her mind - "let my husband go!" Dan tries to explain is doesn't work like that, and the wife becomes belligerent. In fact, hey, she's pushing Dan around. But Danny-boy doesn't stand for that! You're under arrest ma'am. Dan snaps the cuffs on mom and leads her out to the sidewalk. He turns his back for a second and wifey grabs a small pistol from her back pocket and shoots Dan in the stomach. That's right, he forgot to frisk her.
Jon and Roni, you're in. Roni is doing the talking, "maybe we can help you two get some counseling." Before you can say, "did your parents beat you," hubby is out the back door. Jon is right after him, dashing around the side of the house. There he is! "Put your hands up," yells Jon, drawing his gun and aiming at hubby. The suspect follows orders. Jon steps over and snaps the cuffs on, but the suspect quickly reaches for the pistol hidden in the waistband of his jeans. Jon wrangles hubby to the ground, but it could go either way. Roni to the rescue. R-girl dashes up to the scene and orders the suspect to freeze,
but he won't stop thrashing. So Roni blows him away. That's right. "I had to do it, the suspect was threatening the life of my partner." Jon and Roni walk away alive, winning the scenario.
The Roadies change into their dress-reds for the graduation ceremony. These uniforms make the others look like rags. Snazzy! As the Rulers stand at attention, the head guy presents each with a certificate of training. Jon and Roni are called forward for special recognition for their participation in the scenario. Jon has had a realization. "I was dreading this mission and it turned out to be so much fun. I learned I shouldn't be underconfident in my abilities." And you can see it on Jon's face as he accepts a special hat from the mayor - he's proud. And he should be.
Now flip that hat over, Jon. And there's a clue! "Your next mission requires a reservation." Do you have a table for... Adventure, party of six?"
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